Ten Questions to Avoid on the IIFA Green Carpet
|June 21, 2011||Posted by wpadmin under General|
As you may know, the city of Toronto is getting into high gear to host the 2011 International Indian Film Academy (IIFA) awards. This spectacle of glamour and film achievement will feature all your favorite Bollywood stars showcasing their larger-than-life attitudes, freshly botoxed faces, newly sculpted noses, and current romantic interests as they walk down the green carpet. As you sit in awe of the style and panache, you wonder what the reporters will ask them. Will they simply stroke the egos of these Bollywood luminaries and pitch them the easiest of questions? Or will they ask the questions that are really burning in our minds?
Following is a list that I, Bad Swami, would love to ask. But sadly, these questions are probably why I wasn’t and will never be invited to the IIFAs. Sigh.
1. Arshad, was playing an idiot in 3 Idiots a huge stretch for you? Did you have to study idiots for months at a time to train? How did you choose your favorite idiots?
2. Salman, how much do you like Dabangg? Personally, I love Dabangg. Did you help name this movie? Does the title make you giggle?
3. Sonu, did you enjoy working out with Salman in the gym to prepare for Debangg? What do you guys wear in the gym? Do you try and dress matchy-matchy? Can I feel your biceps?
4. Ranbir, I hear that you hide your girlfriends from one another by entering their names in your cell phone as “Battery Low.” That way when one of them calls, it just says “Battery Low” on your display. What a great strategy! Do you ever get your “Batteries” mixed up? How often did you “recharge your Batteries”? Which one do you think will become Mrs. Battery Kapoor?
5. Manissha, how many suitcases did you bring with you this time? Do you know that you’ll have to declare all those bottles of Maple Syrup and Canadian Bacon when you go back to India? Just fyi, Canadian Bacon doesn’t travel well especially in hot weather.
6. Vikramaditya , I loved the story you wrote in Udaan. Can I just call you ‘VD’ for short? No? Ok, I’m sorry for asking. Best of luck at the awards.
7. Hithrik, are you going to miss having Abhishek and Aishwarya at this year’s event? Wouldyou say that they are the ‘Brangelina’ of Bollywood? Can we start calling them Abhi-warya? How about Aish-shek?
8. Kareena, I heard you are going to be waxed by Madame Tussaud’s in London. Will this be the first time you’ve ever been waxed?
9. Priyanka, I heard you and Ileana were fighting over screen time in Barfee. Have you considered just settling the whole thing with a spirited mud wrestling match?
10. Shahrukh, who is the better Khan, you or Salman? Since actors are artists, would you call yourself a Khan-artist? When people make you mad, do you tell them they are about to get “The Wrath of Khan”?
Though none of these questions will be asked, I hope you enjoy the ceremonies anyway.
Happy Awards Night to you all!